Courtship: A Love Story
(Part 2)

by Jennie Ethell Chancey

Late in September, I went to a church picnic with Matt and my friend, Andrea. We sat out under a tree and chatted pleasantly. Eventually, Andrea excused herself to find some other friends, and Matt and I kept on talking. Slowly, I began to feel a little strange. Matt was saying things that hit really close to home, and I had to wonder where he'd gotten his information. He told me he had observed that I was a very old-fashioned girl who believed the Romantic [i.e. old fashioned, simple, unworldly] life was not a lie. That I was willing to wait to be swept off my feet and that I thought knights on white horses still existed somewhere. He said I was the kind of girl who read Little House on the Prairie and Anne of Green Gables and wanted that kind of simple life. That I didn't think children were to be seen and not heard. That, more than anything, I wanted to raise up a houseful of kids who loved each other and their parents.

Then he turned and looked me straight in the eye. "May I ask you a personal question?" I shrugged nonchalantly and said, "Sure." He tilted his head. "Have you ever been courted?" My heart felt as though an electric current had zapped it. I stammered out that an older guy had wanted to "court" me when I was nineteen but my parents had told him to keep his distance. Nothing had ever come of it. Trying not to give away the butterflies in my stomach, I stood up quickly from my spot under the tree. Matt calmly lay in the grass as I headed for a nearby field to walk out my odd feelings. How does he know so much? I never talk about my dreams. Why does he care? When I returned, Matt was still smiling slightly, like he had a secret joke. After that conversation, Matt wrote his father a long letter, telling him all he'd learned about me during his few months in Virginia: my faith, my beliefs, my world-view, and even what kind of music I liked. He asked his dad to give his blessing for a courtship and also to write my father a letter, commending Matt to my family and affirming their blessing on a possible courtship.

Meanwhile, I tried to throw the whole picnic conversation out of my mind. It was nothing. He was just a very insightful person, that was all. Three weeks later, though, I knew there was more to it than that. I ate dinner at the interns' house again. One guy's family had brought lasagna, and we ate a big Italian meal. The family had also brought babies, and I had a ball playing with them and lulling the newborn to sleep. As I stood in the darkened kitchen, rocking the baby slowly side to side, Matt stepped in from the living room. He smiled at me and said I looked like I was enjoying myself. Then he opened the back door to the deck and exclaimed at the beauty of the night sky. "Come look at the stars, Jennie," he whispered. I did. "Hey, look!" he said, pointing outside. "There are two chairs on the deck!" I had to chuckle at the incredible "coincidence." Matt sat in one chair while I wrapped the baby in a blanket and sat in the other. Then the questions began: "Where do you see yourself in five years?" "What do you want to do with your life?" "You love children, don't you?" "How many kids do you want?" By now the old butterflies had come back to my stomach. But my brain set off red alerts and told me not to think anything was happening. He's just being nice! it screamed. There is nothing going on! it cried out, but all in vain. I knew something was going on, and I knew it involved Matt and me and the future.

The timing couldn't have been more awful--or more perfect. I was scheduled to attend a home school conference in Florida two days later. I thought I was going to die. Did Matt intend to tell me anything before I left? The day before I boarded the plane, he asked me when he could visit my parents again. "Oh, anytime," I said lightly. "You know they love having you over." I didn't want him to think I was reading anything into his request! I was tempted to ask my parents if they had talked with him already, but I didn't want them to think I was flipping out. Instead, I asked my friend and confidante, Andrea, if she knew anything. She was reluctant at first to say much, but finally I got it out of her: "Jennie Ethell!" she cried. "Are you really that blind? Matt Chancey has been head over heels in love with you for a long time!" My mouth dropped. I shook my head. "W-what?" I managed to choke out. "Good grief, girl!" she laughed. "Everyone at the office knows it. We've just been wondering if you would figure it out!" It was too much to believe. I couldn't take it in! And I had to get on a plane and go away for a week! How could I without knowing if this was really happening?

That was the longest week of my life, but it gave me lots of time to think. Everything began to make so much sense. I could look back over the past three months and see a definite pattern. Matt hadn't been idle! I could see how he had been "sleuthing" for months, learning about me without making it look like he was chasing me or monopolizing me. I wrote a thirteen-page letter to Andrea, telling her all the things I was figuring out. I really wrote it for myself, like a diary. I needed it to stay sane that week. And as the days passed, I began to uncover the feelings in my own heart. Matt had become my best friend. I couldn't imagine doing anything that wouldn't involve him. But what did it mean? It had sneaked up on me, and I was left completely breathless.

When I stepped off the plane, Matt was waiting at the gate. His face lit up when he saw me, but he turned to hide it. I tried to act natural. After all, he hadn't asked to court me! A day later, I came down with a bad cold and had to stay home from work. It was miserable lying on the couch with no one else around, so I was overjoyed when Andrea got home and suggested we go out for coffee. When we got back, there sat Matt's car in our driveway. "What's he doing here?" I asked. Andrea grinned and shrugged. Matt asked me if I wanted to go for coffee, and I told him I'd just had some. He insisted I needed another cup, so we headed for Shoneys. He was still wearing his suit and tie from work. I looked like a girl with a bad cold: no makeup, hair in a bun, circles under my eyes. We sat down in a corner booth, ordered our coffee, and chatted for a few moments. Then Matt took a deep breath. "I'd like to tell you a story," he said. I caught my breath and leaned forward. "Once upon a time there was a young man from Alabama...." From there Matt launched into the story of his journey to Virginia, work at the office, and meeting me and my family. That's when he told me about calling his family in August, writing his dad in September, and getting the letter for my dad the day after I returned from Florida. By the time he got to the part where he asked my father's permission to court me, I had tears in my eyes and a big smile on my face. Matt had just come from my parents' house that evening, where they had joyfully given him their blessing to win my heart. As he finished his tale, Matt leaned forward and said, "What the young man would like to know is if the young lady will help him write a happy ending to the story." Speechless, I nodded yes. My heart was bursting with joy.

Our "courtship," begun October 11th, lasted two and a half months. We officially stepped from courtship to engagement on December 28, when Matt knelt down and asked me to marry him. We spent the time in between studying the Bible together, praying, spending time with my family, and talking about God's call on our lives. We also did "fun" things (don't think we're too serious!) like playing games, riding bikes, watching old movies, discussing the future, reading aloud, and going out with friends. We were not "trying each other out" or "going steady." We both knew marriage was the goal from the day my father gave Matt permission to woo me. My parents gave him their blessing precisely because they knew my calling in life went with Matt's. They had studied him and talked to him for three months. Courtship isn't about trying on relationships until you find the one that fits. It is about waiting for that relationship--even when it seems like it will never come. It is about striving to follow God's plan instead of our own. As Matt says, a young man should only "court" one girl. "If you're going to get up the courage to ask a father's permission to court his daughter," he says, "you'd better be pretty sure she is the one." How did he know I was the girl he wanted to marry? He watched and listened for three months before he made his move. He kept his own emotions in check and prayed constantly. He patiently learned all he could about me while winning my family over. My parents loved him long before they thought of him as a future son-in-law. In a sense, Matt really "courted" my family for three months before deciding to ask Dad if he could court me!

Courting isn't a way to meet girls or guys; that's what regular friendship is about. My mom always told me to watch the way a guy behaves in a group. One-on-one he will turn on the charm and try to present himself in the best possible light (girls do this, too!). But watch the way he behaves when he loses a game. Watch how he acts around children. See how he treats his family. Become a detective! Now this doesn't mean we should set ourselves up to judge people; just that we should learn to look at more than externals. Spending those "unattached" years making friends and being a friend is very fulfilling. The goal is to give more than you receive and bless others even when you are not being blessed by them. I won't pretend it's always easy, but it is rewarding. It always is when we stretch beyond ourselves to reach out to others as Christ did.

Today I wear Matt's rings on my finger, and I thrill to be called his wife. Was it worth the wait? You'd better believe it. Would I change any part of our story? Not on your life. God knew the best time and place. Can "fairy tales" come true? Yes, because God is the greatest romancer of them all. Read Isaiah. Read Jeremiah. Read the Psalms. Look at how God has called out to His people through the ages. No matter how flawed we are, God has still chosen us for His purposes, and He desires the best for us. He doesn't want us to "settle" for anything, least of all the mate we will spend the rest of our days with. God gave me every single thing on that list, down to the broccoli (Matt loves it) and the age difference (!). He gave me the best friend I have ever had. He gave me the one I was supposed to wait for. This sweet confidence grows every day as I listen to Matt read Scripture aloud before he heads off to work, hear him pray for us and our future, watch him love my family, listen to him tell me how much he loves me, and see him quietly listen to me. I will never forget a single day of our courtship or the feeling in my heart when Matt knelt down and asked me to be his wife.

God is good! I pray I can do the work He has called me to as I serve Matt and, Lord willing, the many children we will one day have. I know I don't deserve such a gift, but God is a gracious giver who holds nothing back from his children. Getting married shouldn't be about finding someone who will give us everything we want. That only leads to insecurity, jealousy, and greed. (And when I wrote that list, Mom told me it wasn't a "gimme" list to be filled out with temporal desires. She wisely had me write it before I was even interested in boys--so it wasn't written with someone in mind!) Marriage should be about learning to give ourselves fully and unselfishly without expecting anything in return. The beauty of this principle is that, when we take the focus off what we want, God gives to us more abundantly than we ever could have imagined (Luke 6:38). It is His way of equipping us for His service--not so that we will do His work like robots, but so that we will work for and with Him joyfully.

Don't believe the lies television and movies would have us believe. Real Love is very much alive. Not just the emotional highs, but the day-to-day decision that love is. God gives us, in His Word, a perfect picture of His idea of Love:

Love is patient,

love is kind,

It does not envy,

it does not boast,

it is not proud.

It is not rude,

it is not self-seeking,

it is not easily angered,

it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil

but rejoices with the truth.

It always protects,

always trusts,

always hopes,

always perseveres.

Love never fails.

(1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

Matt and I are nowhere near perfect, and we know there will be rough times ahead, but God has promised to be with us. In the midst of all the burdens of life, God gives Joy. Wait for it. Courtship isn't about getting, it is about waiting to give. It is about trusting God to bring the one person He has for you. It is about being content right where you are today, even if that means being alone. It is about believing True Love is still alive and well. There are no set "steps" to courtship. I can't guarantee that if you follow A, B, and C, you will meet your mate. Every situation is unique, just as each person is unique. But the principles are the same. Commit your steps to the Lord each day. Ask Him to help you wait for the one He has for you, and purpose that you will not give your heart away, piece by piece, until it is broken and empty. In God's time, and if He wills it, He will bring the person He desires you to spend your life with. You can be sure of it.

Courtship: A Love Story (Part 2)

by Jennie Ethell Chancey

Courtship: A Love Story
(Part 2)