Why doesn't God give me a husband?
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Frankly Answered Questions - FAQs

Why doesn't God give me a husband?

Q: I'm single, divorced, have one son. Left former husband as he was abusive. Life now stable and good - but lonely. See other divorced friends getting remarried. They seem to find a guy, sleep with him, even with their children in the house and before you know it, they are happily married after 2 years or less of dating.

I dated a Christian man, thought my prayers were answered, though he couldn't hold on to a dime if he had it. Worked through thick and thin with him over 3 years until he felt "called to be single". After less than 2 years of dating another woman, he is married to someone who is rich and can support him - and all that time I thought he loved me - probably wanted me because I thought I had money - and gave up when he found out I didn't.

Been dating another guy now for almost 3 years. He is very nice and deep, but can't seem to make a commitment. Why is it that God is so slow to answer my prayers for a decent man to make a commitment to me? I have a wonderful son and we are a great family of two (and 5 pets), but I too would like to be held and loved and two years away from being 40, I am beginning to think God will never answer my prayers.

God has answered so many of my prayers before, but when it comes to this one (which I prayed long before I met my former husband) - God seems to be completely deaf?

(This response is from a member of our staff)
A: First let me reassure you that God is not deaf to your prayers regarding a husband nor is He blind to your loneliness and pain. Jesus was single. He had intense times of loneliness. He knows those feelings for He has experienced them. Hebrews 4:14-16 tells us: Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are--yet without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

Second, I also understand how you feel. You see I'm 34, soon to be 35, Christian and single. And for a long time I felt like I was single because God was punishing me for something. I let my heartache and loneliness turn to resentment. How could God do this to me? Since I was a teenager I dreamt of getting married and having a family of my own. I prayed for a husband throughout my teens and my twenties. It seemed all my friends were getting married and starting families, why wasn't I? Well when my thirties hit and I was still single, I felt cursed. I thought that even though I had prayed faithfully, God didn't fulfill what I considered to be His part of the bargain. I decided that He didn't really love me, because He wouldn't give me the one thing I thought I desperately wanted.

What I didn't realize at the time was that what I really wanted was to be loved. To be loved totally, completely and without reservation. I was looking for something that no other human being could ever give me, but what Christ could and did give to me freely. When I gave Him my life including my anger, frustration, heartache, fear and loneliness, He showered me with His perfect love. He opened my heart to accepting a peace and patience in seeking His will for my life. I've learned (actually I should say I'm just beginning to learn) how incredible His love really is.

One of my favorite passages from scripture is Isaiah 53. These verses describe how deeply and beautifully Christ loves us. Though we rejected Him and hated Him, He still bore our grieves, our sorrows, our sins. He still gave up all that He was and surrendered His very life just for us, just for you and me. It's really amazing when you think about it. No other person could ever love that completely. Yet Christ knowing everything about us - the good, the bad and the ugly still loved and loves us totally.

It's not about married or single. It's about Christ being the Lord of my life and daily turning my life over to Him. I'm learning that when I trust Him as my Lord I find that He is also my brother, my father, my best friend and my husband (Isaiah 54:5). As I said, I'm LEARNING. Thankfully Christ is faithful, patient and willing to work lovingly with a very hard headed woman.

I hope that hearing my own experience has been of some help to you, even if it is just knowing that someone else understands what you feel.

God's peace and love be with you.

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Why Doesn't God Give Me a Husband - the sequel...

Well it is now eights years since I wrote the response to the above question and I'm still single. Let me be honest. When I answered that letter eight years ago, my response was genuine. Jesus really was meeting many of my needs to be loved and cared for. He is enough, but it was probably also with the belief that while I wasn't married yet, I would be sooner or later. And, truthfully, I thought sooner. I can't tell you the number of well meaning friends that have talked to me about this "season of life" being single but just wait. And, oh, my favorite: "I have a friend who has a cousin who has a daughter who never dated and then BAM! (why is there always a bam?...anyway) BAM! She met someone. Got married at 40 and was pregnant by 41." Not to burst any balloons here, but, um, I'm 42. I've hit the snooze on my biological clock so often I won't see menopause till I'm 90.

I would pray and pray and always, always God's response was "I'm enough". Not only would He answer with "I'm enough" but He would open my heart to know that He was, in fact, more than enough. God is a good, awesome, and loving God. Make no mistake about it. I wasn't out in the cold. God has always provided for me generously. But....well...at times....I'm a brat and I want what I want. Can you relate?

So I decided I wanted to be married. And praying wasn't getting me there. So I took over. Oh yeah, that had success written all over it.

I signed up for all kinds of dating services: match.com, eharmony, Christian café, True Love Got Tired of Waiting and Is Now Willing to Settle for Someone with a Pulse.org, and so forth. No more waiting for "someday my prince will come." Not me, I'm a woman of the new millennia and I'm goin' huntin' <insert Elmer Fudd laugh>. So with all this personality, you would think men would be beating a path to my door or would at least stop by and ask directions to the nearest Quiznos? Right? Say "right" just to be polite. Anyway, neither happened. Well, almost neither happened.

A couple of months ago I met a Christian gentleman who was looking for a woman that made Christ the center of her life. Okay, I've been there. May not be living there now, but I know what that looks like. So I said, "Hi." He said, "Hi" and that initiated two months of emails and phone calls. It was like the movie You've Got Mail. Alright, honestly it was probably closer to the movie Shrek, but that's not the point. The point is I got what I wanted. I was on my way and would soon need a subscription to Bride magazine. Just one slight drawback. I was the most miserable of human beings. What I might gain could not come close to what I'd lost in leaving Jesus. I was lost and I ached to be home. Telling God that it's my way or the highway is a great way to end up feeling like road kill.

Then the battle - the battle every Christian knows. Knows far too well. I've gone too far. I've done too much. My sin is too great. There is just no way, you would take me back... and you can finish the thought. Why do we ever allow ourselves to reach such a state that when we finally cry out to God it must be an act of complete desperation? God forgive my foolishness. I didn't cry out to God. I SCREAMED! And then I waited to be rejected, because surely my sin was too great.

God's response was "Do you really think you are capable of such a sin that my blood would not be sufficient, to not just cover it, but to drown it?"

Did you ever notice that the prodigal son never makes it to the door? As soon as he is in sight of the house the father is out the door, down the road, and embracing his son. The son doesn't have to throw himself down before his father and beg for forgiveness berating himself for his foolishness. God does not seek wailing, gnashing of teeth or beating ourselves (physically or emotionally) to a pulp. Just surrender. "Not my will, but Yours." Not my will, Lord, but Yours.

I'm home again. Father and I have talked and I'm single. It's not a season. It's my life. And the only question I have is: who am I, that Christ would love me so much He would choose to share me with no one? I don't have the answer, but I am humbled and thrilled to know the One who does.

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