Frankly Answered Questions - FAQs

Do you promote spanking children?!

Q: I found your site quite interesting... until I read how to change some negative attitudes in children... spanking?? Do you promote spanking??? I thought God gave us communication so that we use our words. Did Jesus ever physically attack anyone? Please let me know if I misunderstood what was written.

A concerned reader

A: Dear concerned reader,

No, you didn't misunderstand. How I parent comes from how God says I should parent. I believe in using all the means that God commands to raise children. Training will always start with communication. But parenting is like a toolbox. God provides a number of different training tools for parents. Training of a younger child can also include physical "stings" to get the message across, when the child deliberately disobeys. This is viewed as wisdom by God:

Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him (Proverbs 22:15)

He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him (Proverbs 13:24).

Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death (Proverbs 23:13-14).

Of course spanking pains the child, but that's exactly why (when done correctly) it is so effective in promoting a change of heart. Psychologist Lawrence Kolberg recognized this when he developed his theory of moral development. He says that in the first level of moral development, we base our moral decisions on pain and pleasure. If the decision is likely to be painful, then we don't do it. If the outcome is likely to be pleasurable, then we do. Young children function almost completely on this level until the age of 9.

Two thousand years before Kolberg, the writer of Hebrews knew about the use of pain in value formation: No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it (Hebrews 12:11).

You have the right to disagree with what I write, but you must understand that what we teach on this web site comes from God's revelation. It is not based on what is at the moment secularly, scientifically, or politically "correct." I have found that humanistic-centered views of parenting change every generation. God's revelation has always been the same. And yes, Jesus did physically attack people (John 2:13-17) and apparently will do so in the future (Revelation 19:11-21).

Thanks for writing.