What does "waiting" mean?
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Frankly Answered Questions - FAQs

What does "waiting" mean?

Q: I am a divorced 46 year old woman engaged to a 53 year old gentleman. We are both committed Christians, and truly want to wait until marriage to have sex. I know this is God's will...but my question is this. Does waiting for sex until marriage mean waiting for intercourse only, or does it mean any kind of sexual contact? My fiancé is the first Christian man that I have ever met that has wanted to wait, but we are confused on what waiting means. At this time we are not doing anything other than small kisses, holding hands and cuddling. At times I find myself wanting more intimacy, but we both do not want to cross that line. I have read many articles online about abstinence...but have not found an answer to this question. Thank you for your response and help in this situation. God bless.

A: 1 Timothy 5:2 says "Treat older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity." Until you are this gentleman's wife, he should treat you as a Christian SISTER WITH ABSOLUTE PURITY. Sister, then wife. There is no in-between in Scripture. There is no sister, sexual stimulator, then wife.

Another Scripture that may apply is Proverbs 5:15-21. The desire to want more intimacy is natural, but should be resisted until marriage for the sake of purity and focus on building your spiritual relationship. Sex at this stage can really get in the way of becoming friends. Friendship deepens a marriage and makes it last. 

Another reason that you need to be careful about physical limits is simply beyond a certain point you CANNOT stop "going all the way." See our web page entitled "Loving Limits" on the 12 steps of intimacy. These steps are biological and hardwired into our physical creation. Crossing certain lines WILL lead you to actions that are meant for the joy of the marriage bed.

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