Frankly Answered Questions - FAQs

Do I need a marriage ceremony?

Q: Good Day! I found your website and have a question about the marriage ceremony.  I have not found in the Bible passages where God or Jesus say a ceremony must take place or what the ceremony must consist of.  Does there in fact need to be a marriage ceremony as we know it in North America?
 
A friend of mine said that if you commit yourself to your spouse to be in the eyes of God, you are then married.  Others say that you must obey the law of the land after you have obeyed God's law.  The law of the land says a person can live together.  If you are both Christians, what is the reason that a person must have a marriage ceremony with a minister/pastor/priest if you declare your intentions in front of God between yourselves? 
 
I'm searching for the answer to these questions....Can you help me?  Thank you so much for whatever light you can shed on this.

A: You are right. There is no commandment in the Bible telling a married couple that they have to have a marriage ceremony. That's because a "ceremony" is not the important thing from a Biblical perspective. A public "covenant" is the important thing.

The Bible says that marriage is a "covenant." Read Malachi 2:14. According to historical documents (like the Jewish Mishnah), a bride and bridegroom were taken to a rabbi. In the presence of witnesses a public document was recorded and signed by witnesses. (All covenants had witnesses.) This was a written covenant of marriage. Of course, marriage ceremonies were also a common practice - simply because the couple and the parents wanted everyone to celebrate the couples' marriage. You will remember that Jesus attend one of these Jewish marriage ceremonies (John 2:1-2).

The problem with commitments made to ONLY each other and God are that we are very sinful human beings. And as sinful human beings, we do not keep our commitments. We may intend to, but we "fall out of love" and we forget that Biblical love is commitment and sacrifice, not just a feeling. It is much easier to leave a relationship when there is no one to hold me accountable to my vows (another Biblical concept). Or I can simply deny that I ever took vows in the first place. The bottom line is this: in the cases of couples that aren't willing to make their vows in public - either one or both of the individuals doesn't want to make a lifetime commitment to this marriage. With divorce already being so easy in our society, this just makes walking out of the relationship that much easier when things get tough.

When I got married, I wanted to know that this person was committed to me even when they didn't "feel" in love with me, even when I'm sick, even when I'm poor, even when I'm mentally ill. That's the kind of love that Christ has for those who commit to Him and marriage is supposed to be a picture of Christ's love for His church (Ephesians 5:21ff).

So back to the original question: "Do I need a marriage ceremony?" No, but you and your partner do need a public covenant with witnesses. That is really the purpose of the Christian wedding "ceremony" - As the wedding ceremony says: to make a public covenant "before God and these witnesses."