Questions about masturbation, homosexual thoughts, and eternal life.
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Frankly Answered Questions - FAQs

Questions about masturbation, homosexual thoughts, and eternal life.

Q: I have just read your article about masturbation being a sin and what we can do to have self control and let God transform us into the image of Jesus Christ. I wanted to contact you because I have a unique struggle. I have been a Christian since 7 years old but have always had attraction to Men and never Women. At 21 years old, I ran from God and all the things I did to grow close to him (Bible Study, Prayer Group, Church, etc.). I threw myself into the life of a gay man and the homosexual lifestyle. This progressed into recreational drugs and other sinful activities. This lasted 15 years until through punishment (horrible punishment) and through his loving ways (this was greater than the punishment), Jesus brought me back close to him. He really does go and get the lost sheep and brings him home. I am a living testament to that.

Now, I am back in the state I grew up in and I am living with my Christian brother's family and doing things of God again. I also have been going to a group called Exodus (http://www.exodus.to/) which meets locally. We are a group of men who struggle with attraction to men. We meet for study and as a Christian support group. I can't express enough how alive and joyful I am once again!

But, for the reason I am writing, I have struggled with this masturbation issue since before I even ran from my Savoir at 21 years old. Today, I probably do this act about once or twice every 1-2 weeks. I have rid myself of any pornographic materials or anything that creates more images that may worsen my struggle of this sinful act. I can tell you I still have no attraction to women and when I do this act it is purely for the reason to help control my wanting or lusting for men who I see in everyday life. I have committed myself to a life of celibacy because of my attraction to men and no attraction to women. I can also tell you that when I masturbate I try to do it with no thoughts in my head, but I always end up thinking some thought about a guy sexually to successfully do this and this is the part I know to be sin.

I have found that as each day passes that I don't masturbate my desire for men increases. When I masturbate I don't have much of an interest in them in that way. Do you have any comments to me about this?

Also, my greatest question to you is the part you wrote about radically dealing with lust, because is says that it is something that can keep us from eternal life (Matthew 5:29-30). I am confused and upset about this! I have believed and asked Jesus into my heart and my life and asked for his forgiveness of my sins. He is changing me from the inside out. Does this not give me eternal life with him? Does my failure to stop committing sin in my lustful thoughts to masturbate keep me from eternal life?? Please help me with this question because it is important to me!

Thank You and God Bless You!

Sam

A: You You have an awesome testimony! In my opinion, you should be greatly encouraged in all that Christ has done in your life! You've come a very long way and are doing well in the Lord! Have peace.

Concerning your questions and concerns:

First

Let me say that I tried to say in the article that masturbation is not a sin in itself. The Bible doesn't say anything on the issue of masturbation. It only speaks to the sin of improper lust. So wrong desires are the sin, not masturbation.

Second

Your experience of feeling the need to masturbate once or twice every week fits with the biology of a healthy male. Males have cycles just like women - a build up of testosterone on a three to five day cycle (longer for older men). This testosterone contributes strongly to our desire for sex. That's normal..

Don't get me wrong. Even biology can be controlled - we have many examples of lustful people who become Christians and by the Holy Spirit develop sexual control. After all, self-control is one of the fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23).

But I'm just trying to say that what you are experiencing is normal and masturbation becomes a release which helps with the feelings of lust. No problem there. Personally, I don't think God has an issue with that. You probably understood all that.

Third

As you have pointed out, the real sin issue is with "some thought about a guy sexually." That's the point of battle with the evil one and the point that God wants you to grow from. I'm sure your brothers at Exodus can help with this. They struggle (or struggled) with the same thing. By the way, Exodus is a wonderful organization and has really helped people in our church. Press on with them.

I'm not experienced enough to say this with absolute confidence, but frankly this could be your last battle concerning your homosexual addiction. You've come so far with Christ's help. Just one more step - not needing/having the thoughts - may be required for purity and freedom. Again, I don't know enough to say that with absolute surety, but it seems to me that getting the thought life under control of the Spirit is the final battle. Jesus said that the evil thoughts of the heart is where all immorality begins (Matthew 15:1-20). God has brought you this far. You can trust Him to change this in your life too.

By way of comfort, I applaud you. At this point, you are doing the best you can do. It's just not the best you will do with the help of God.

Fourth

Concerning Jesus' statement in Matthew 5:29-30 about radically dealing with sin: "If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell."

How do you read what He says? If you believe there is a different interpretation of what Jesus said that makes sense, then by all means adopt it. At the same time, we must avoid changing Jesus' words because they upset us. At times, His word is very hard and it does upset us. But rightly embraced it leads us to see reality as it is and shakes us from our comfortableness to deal radically with the sins that can kill us.

You are quite right that you will need to take what Jesus has said and put it together with the other things that Jesus says about gaining eternal life by believing in Him. We could also add verses in the Bible about eternal security: "For my Father's will is that everyone who looks to the Son and believes in Him shall have eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day." (John 6:40) and that we are "loved by God and kept by Jesus Christ" (Jude 1).

The way that I believe the Bible puts this all together is that a person who truly comes, repents, and gives their life to Jesus receives eternal life and will be kept by God - what you may know as "once truly saved, always saved." I absolutely believe that the Bible teaches that and it is a great comfort to me.

But that doctrine of secure salvation is never taught in Scripture without the companion teaching that a person who is truly saved will bring forth good works (or good fruit) and will continue to grow to be more like Jesus in their thoughts and holiness.

Martin Luther put it as "We are never saved by good works, but the person who is saved will do good works or they are not saved." So change and growth in our life is not what saves us (only Jesus can save us), but a person who is saved (and has the Holy Spirit in their life) is going to change and grow. Read 2 Corinthians 3:17-18.

For you and for me this means we still struggle with lust, but we see ourselves changing and overcoming by His power (1 John 5:4-5). You said that you saw change in your life. The change is not what gives you eternal life. Jesus gives you that. But the change you see is evidence that you are truly saved and have eternal life.

I probably have not done a very good job of explaining it, but it is important to hold to both truths at the same time. If we teach only that you must "believe" in Jesus and you are then eternally secure, then people are left with the idea that they can continue to live like they did before. This would ignore many, many Scriptures such as Jesus' words in Matthew 7:15-27. This is the teaching of "easy believism" and is a big reason why we have so many people claiming to be Christians and living like hell. They have misunderstood what it means to "believe" in Jesus. They have thought that answering an altar call or intellectually believing that Jesus is Lord saves them. But according to the Bible, salvation happens only when we radically repent and radically trust our entire life to Jesus (Luke 14:25-33; 18:9-14). Then because we are new creatures in Christ, we change, we grow, we follow His teachings, and we hate sin in our lives.

Indeed, this change is a process. It is a process for me. It is a process for you. Sanctification (the Biblical word for this process) isn't a once for all event or a giant leap. It is a series of ups and downs, successes and failures, but always leading upward. And when you graph the line of all points you can see yourself changing to become more like Jesus. It sure sounds to me like that is happening with you. So if I were you, I would be greatly encouraged.

At the same time, I think that it is important to say that lust that remains undealt with can kill me. I think this is what Jesus said and it's found in many other places in the Bible. And if I were to fall back into being consumed again with impure thoughts (and did not repent of it again), then I would have to say that I was faking this Christianity thing. In spite of what I thought, I had not really truly repented and believed at all. My heart wasn't really changed by God. I was not the 4th soil of Jesus' parable, but only the 2nd or 3rd and my destiny is hell (see Luke 8:11-15).

Is that upsetting to think about? Definitely. At this point, I can panic and begin to think "Oh no! What if I'm not saved? What if I fall back into addiction? What if I don't grow beyond this lust?" Or I can take the warning at face value with all the fears it engenders and run to the Savior. These words of Jesus are meant to drive me to Him as the only source of comfort and salvation. In fact, I think that these upsetting warnings are one of the ways that God keeps me in the faith. It reminds me of what reality really is and keeps me relying every day, every moment upon Him. That's the way to live the Christian life. Anything less just won't do -- I'm too great a sinner. I need Him to continue to save me from myself. That will never change, no matter how holy I become or how much I grow. It is God, not ourselves, who will "keep us from falling and present us before His glorious presence without fault and with great joy" (Jude 24).

Hopefully some of what I have said made a little sense and will bring you comfort. To summarize: I think that Jesus said that lust can send us to hell and that we need to be radical about dealing with it. Never be complacent. But it seems to me that God is exceedingly patient and merciful with us, so that while this is true about lust, it is also true that:

Thanks for sharing some of your story with me -- which is really His (Jesus' story).

Love in Christ Jesus,

Dennis

Follow up emails received from Sam:

1st Email

Dear Dennis,

First of All, I almost can only say WOW! I am more than moved by your letter and I feel so blessed that you took such time and effort into helping me. I am even more touch to find you are a Pastor of a church. Thank you so much for taking your precious time to help me with so much in one letter. I want you to know I have just given thanks and praise to God for this right now and days before when I first read your response. I have read your article and this letter you wrote to me more than once and it has spurred me to study and memorize verses in the Bible! Also, my brother caught me all choked up reading your letter, so I forwarded it to him so he can share in this.

I want you to know that Jesus came to where I was living (15 years of living in sin and miserable) and lovingly led me out of there to be with my Christian family in my home state. He worked on my heart and drew me back close to him for the last 8 months that I lived there. The things that God did and showed and touch me with those months are to me miraculous. Many things I wrote down as to not forget, but it is too much to type right now. At one point about 6 weeks before I would be moving back to my home state, I was in my car by my place of work during lunch and I had to pull off to a side street because something so intense was building up inside me I knew I needed to stop. I believe Jesus' presence was very strong and I was feeling his love very strong that I could understand how emotionless and empty and sad and lost of a place I was in. Dennis, I cried and cried so very hard and repented and repented and practically wailed to God to Jesus and I told him how sorry how terribly sorry I was for running from him those 15 years ago and I begged him to forgive me. I cried to him that I was sorry and I don't know why I was so stupid to ever run from him and try to push him away so I could think that I was what I was (gay) and nothing or no one was going to change that and I had no choice but to be gay in order to have any kind of happiness and therefore God couldn't love me because I was an abomination to him.

Dennis, the things that poured out of me in tears to God is more than I can explain and the beautiful thing that I remember is that I felt his presence there with me so strongly and his comfort and love and forgiveness and security and I could feel him tell me that he knows and he loves me and much more for a whole hour in that car. Here was my God, my Savior, who I loved so much and had grown so close to my years with the Navigators, loving me with that amazing love as he showed me how much I missed and needed him and how empty and bad the place I was in.

Less than a week later, major changes happened to my work life and the opportunity arose for me to move back here to my home state and live with my brother's Christian family. I left my gay relationship, friends, and everything else that I was doing in my life that wasn't for God and this came the end of August 2006. I don't do any drugs. I quit smoking (I am still smoking 2-3 cigarettes a month when I have a couple of beers 2-3 times a month, but God is working on me and I am working with him on this cause I want it to be zero times a month). I am reading and studying the bible, praying, reading Christian books, talking with you, and bringing neighbors to church with me and I am experiencing Galatians 5:22-23.

Thanks to God's help through you I have more weapons at my disposal [see Weapons for the War Against Lust] and I have already been using them today (Romans 8:6) and this has helped. Please understand that I am not masturbating compulsively but 1-2 times a week and for a very short amount of time as a control of lustful desires or thoughts . The problem where I sin is, to accomplish this act, I have to think (if only for a few seconds) some thought of a picture of a sexual act. I know this to be sin. I will be using your tools to help me live a righteous life.

I came across a verse that I find is helping me so much. It is 1 Peter 4:1-2 (NIV): "Therefore, since Christ suffered in his body, arm yourselves also with the same attitude, because he who has suffered in his body is done with sin. As a result, he does not live the rest of his earthly life for evil human desires, but rather for the will of God." Someone wrote that this means if you are really the recipient of the HOLY Spirit, then this means pain in a physical body that lives in this world. If we get this right in our attitude, then God says we will be done with sin. That same person also wrote if we understand the way of faith must inevitably involve suffering, then we are truly living the gospel and have transferred out of the power of evil and into God's will. This information is helping me too.

Again thank you for your help and time because it was very needed!

God Bless

Sam

2nd Email

Dennis,

I haven't spoken to you since April, but I thought that I would give you an update on Jesus' story that He is living out in my life. Thank you for reminding me that it is Jesus' story. I always want to make sure I give him the Glory.

I have been doing quite well with avoiding masturbating in sinful thoughts. I try not to masturbate at all, but I still do and I am keeping it without sexual images. Thank you for your help on that.

I have been growing closer to God and was inducted as a full member of my church on October 21st (1st time I became a full member of a church) and 2 hours later I was baptized. I'm really excited about this because it is my recommitment to Christ after turning away from my sinful life.

I have also started serving in Church by helping people with the special needs during Sunday services. I'm attending the Men's bible study group that meets at our church and my brother is attending with me.

It has been a year and a half since I left my gay life and I am happy to have Jesus' story of how he shaped my life on your website. I figured it would come out to more than just my family and I can tell you they only know and understand parts of it. It has been a long time needing to come out and you are the first person I have explained it to in its entirety. If you can use it to help others in their struggles, please do so.

God bless you.

Sam

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